fire emblem

8 Wii Games That You Must Play

I haven’t done a critique of another site’s articles in a long time, and the last two that I did have been lost to time (until I get around to restoring the remainder of the blog archives). So it’s about damn time that I get back on my high horse and ridicule others for their earnest efforts.

This time it’s some guy named Baxy-Z who went and published an article titled “8 Wii Games That You Should Have Bought But Didn’t.” Do I agree with ol’ Baxxer’s assertions? Let’s find out!

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8. MadWorld

Ignoring the fact that I covered this game last year, MadWorld is a stupid choice that I actually did buy, but then returned a day later. Just because it’s a mature game on the Wii doesn’t mean that it should get an automatic passing grade. It’s bloody, styled like Sin Cityand full of swears, but it’s also repetitive and niche.

Grindhouse earned only $25 million in ticket sales when it was in theatres, which is less than half the production cost. Do you know why it was a flop? Because Planet Terror andDeath Proof only appeal to a small market made up predominantly of males aged 16-25.MadWorld isn’t nearly as good as those movies which it tries so hard to emulate, and it fittingly did even worse in sales.

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7. Battalion Wars 2

I bought BWII as well and then traded it in toward No More Heroes 2. The “impressive online modes” that X-Bax mentions do indeed exist, but have you ever tried to play a cooperative online game without having any means of communicating with your partner? Thanks to Battalion Wars 2, I can say that I have.

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6. Excitebots: Trick Racing

This is a game that I admittedly haven’t played, but I have played every other racing game on Wii that uses the Wii-mote as a steering wheel and they’re all terrible. I don’t know how many people there are who drive cars in the world, but I assume that it’s a lot. So why don’t more people realize that a steering wheel is not a free-floating piece of plastic that you tilt in order to turn: it’s a wheel mounted on a central pivot point that you turn in order turn. It also has forces like inertia acting against it to constantly push it back into the neutral position.

An analogue stick, such as the one situated on top of the Wii’s nunchuck attachment, is mounted on a central pivot and has forces constantly pulling it back to the neutral position. It may not be a wheel, but it’s still closer to real driving than the Wii-mote will ever be.

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5. Fragile Dreams: Farewell Ruins of the Moon

A sickeningly Japanese game fails at retail? This would only be surprising if you assumed that Capcom was the only company in Japan producing games. Even Atlus’s Odin Spheresold fewer than 100,000 copies in Japan. See? Even critically successful games on the PS2 can fail.

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4. Little King’s Story

Not to start a graphics vs. gameplay debate in the comments, but maybe if developers didn’t make all of their Wii games look like iPhone apps and PS2 ports they might be successful among traditional gamers.

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3. Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of a New World

Here’s one I might agree with, because my girlfriend is the type of person who might actually enjoy the Tales of Symphonia series. Since she doesn’t have totally horrible taste in games, I’d have to suggest that maybe this one deserved a little more attention. However, even she hasn’t heard of Dawn of a New World, so maybe there was a little problem with the game’s marketing.

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2. Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn

It was almost identical to Path of Radiance on the GameCube, and both games are known for being hard as balls. Average gamers don’t want permanent death in their games. They want gameplay that’s been dumbed down and homogenized, which is why the Xbox 360 is the most popular console among the “hardcore” crowd.

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1. Zack and Wiki: Quest for Barbaros’ Treasure

Point ’n’ click adventures didn’t suddenly become bad after the first-person shooter genre was invented, but their market was seriously reduced to where it could only support independent and free games for the PC and retro revivals on WiiWare.
I feel like this wasn’t nearly rude enough to poor Baxy Ball Z. I thought that maybe I’m losing my edge, but I know that can’t possibly be true. Just the other night I was playing a manly game of— Oh, God… I was playing Final Fantasy X last night.

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