Silent Hill is a town where your nightmares become real. Where your inner demons haunt you in the most literal way. Where men with adopted daughters, widowers, and truck drivers with troubled pasts should probably not vacation.
Since I have no demons (let me kick these empty bottles out of the way), and nightmares about zombies and xenomorphs are elements of a good night for me, I decided it was safe to plan a day trip to the foggy town. It had been quite a few years since I had visited the old haunt, so I figured I'd hit up some of the local attractions like Lakeside Amusement park, Toluca Mall and the Brookhaven mental hospital.
I never could have expected the sort of Revelations that awaited me.
The first thing I found as I wandered into town was an overall faithful recreation of my favourite Silent Hill game. I saw that cantankerous detective on a case to find a lost girl, and that upstanding young man, Vincent, who doesn't seem suspicious at all. I was curious why Pyramid Head was still lazing about town, having thought he would have moved on with the tortured psyche he came with, but I realized he was such a popular fellow that the townsfolk couldn't bear to let him leave.
Then there were those sexy, faceless nurses that everyone loves so much. You can't mention visiting Silent Hill without people asking "did you see the nurses?" Of course I did, but, frankly, I think the locals are getting a bit sick of them.
Some of the other familiar faces that I was anxious to see again were conspicuously absent during my visit. I missed seeing the old Closer crew, for instance, that used to hang around 3rd street. Those boys had lovely singing voices.
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| "Whoa-oh-oh-oh, for the longest time..." |
There were a few new figures around town as well, one of whom runs the mannequin and bad CGI factory behind the bowling alley. A lot of lovely young girls work there, but I hear that the employee turnover rate is atrocious.
My first actual stop was the asylum where I was to visit my pal Leonard Wolf, but I don't think he was well. He was looking much more Malcolm McDowelly than usual. We chatted over a glass of milk-plus, but he just kept talking about the old ultra-violence.
Afterward I was off to Lakeside Amusement Park where I ran into Alessa Gillespie on the carousel. That was a tense reunion. You see, the two of us used to date, but we went our separate ways over some irreconcilable differences. I wanted to go back to school, and she became the demonic enslaver of an entire town. It was especially awkward because she once caught me in bed with her daughter/twin, Heather. I argued that it wasn't really cheating because, technically, they were the same person, but you know how brunettes always overreact when guys are more attracted to blondes.
I must have gotten lost somewhere in the park, though, because I ended up in what looked like a technicians' area. There was a lot of machinery and fire, and one of those monster deity statues that engineers always have on their desks. Then I think I somehow wandered into the San Diego Comic Con because Carrie Anne Moss was there cosplaying as a cenobite.
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| Chatterer has needed work ever since Hellraiser II. |
By now, daylight was fading and I knew better than to stay in Silent Hill after dark. There are a lot of freaks and monsters who only come out at night, not to mention the teenagers. So I made my way to the edge of town, saying goodbye to old and new friends alike. Some of them seemed insincere when they asked me to keep in touch, but you can't count on a good performance from everyone in a horror film.
I for one enjoyed my trip back to Silent Hill. It was both familiar and new at the same time, and I had a good time overall. I wish I had longer to spend there because the visit felt a bit rushed, but I managed to cram everything I had planned into the short time that was allotted. I'll probably be back soon anyway, because I sort of hooked up with one of the faceless nurses and we agreed to visit each other as often as we could, and Hollywood loves a threequel.
I give my recent visit to Silent Hill one giant god boss.
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